Yep, I’m a hater
One of my ex co-workers, now Facebook acquaintance, is getting married today. Yesterday, she updated her status to say something like, “Tomorrow I become Mrs. Such and Such.” I’m generally happy for people when they find love. Truly I am. I may not act like it though. My thing is, I don’t want to see it. But in theory, I’m happy that you’re happy. My issue is that I was at homegirl’s first wedding when we worked together. And now she’s getting married again. Again? That’s not fair. I guess love picks and chooses who it will bless. As far as I know, she’s been blessed twice. Yes, I’m bitter. Yes, I’m hatin’. But am I wrong for that?
Just because I was in a relationship doesn’t mean that I’ve experienced love. I loved him, yes. But it was more of me giving and he taking or just not appreciating or noticing or caring or whatever. But I didn’t get what I gave in return. And love is about more than just me loving. It’s also about being loved back. There is no relationship (not that I’ve had many) that I can think back to where I’ve experienced being loved. So yes, I’m bitter. At no time in the history of my life has someone’s actions said, “I love you and I choose you.” When you get married, that’s basically what’s being said. I love you and I choose you to share my life with. She’s had that twice. And she’s younger than me. Yep, I’m straight hatin’. But am I wrong for that?
My friend is always in my ear about love being overrated. She was actually loved by the one she was in love with. So she can have that opinion now that it’s a been there done that situation. Ain’t that nice. But I don’t care to hear from someone who has been there and done that. I want to experience it for myself. Because honestly, it would make more sense to be stuck on someone who actually loved me back. Why it took me so long to get over what’s his face is beyond me. Well, I sorta know. Women, like myself, spend so much time living some fantasy we created in our heads about the perfect relationship. All we need is a man to step into our lives, and that’s half the battle right there. The other half is the fantasy we create. Instead of paying attention to what’s actually going on, we’re living in our heads. So I should have known what was going on with home stretch before deciding to get emotionally invested. Instead of wasting my time, I could have been making myself available to someone willing to give in return. Ah, hindsight is 20/20.
Alright, so I’m going all off topic here. But the moral of the story is…I’m a hater. But I have a good reason to be.
